Just Me and a Cup of Coffee
So it was the last day of finals week. My classmates were all going out with their group of friends. To cinemas, about to watch the latest movie, or to a nearby sushi bar just to have lunch and chat.
This close friend of mine asked if I had a plan after school so I said, “yeah, I really want to watch this movie. I think I’m gonna go to the mall”. “With whom?” and I answered I was planning to go alone. As a matter of fact, I had been planning (and overtime came to realize that I NEEDED) to have a ‘me’ time since I can’t even remember. Probably months. So I made the decision the night before, since this seemed to be the perfect time. And I was really excited, I couldn’t stop thinking about it while finishing the exams. Thank God I didn’t mess them up.
Right after I finished my last exam, I ordered an Uber to the mall and finally, had the whole remaining day for myself, and It felt really good.
I got my favorite Thai street snack for lunch, wandered around the not-so-crowded mall with my earphones on, and had a venti cup of this super-duper sweet caramel-popcorn-frappe thingy. Although I didn’t get to watch the movie since it’s 17+. I AM 17 but I haven’t got my ID and the staff refused to let me through. The perks of being short.
Anyway, it felt good to be left alone. There are times when it’s dangerous to be alone with your thoughts but there are times when it feels right and peaceful. I don’t even know which one I felt that day because I was really enjoying the ‘aloneness’ but at the same time also mentally punching myself for not getting things right.
Some people might think “you’re at the mall for hours, alone. Weren’t you bored?” and to answer it, no, I wasn’t feeling bored at all, or longing for a friend to come join me. I used this time to sort things out, to break down what I needed to improve to achieve my goals, make a list of things to make my holiday more productive, or to just mindlessly scribble on the back of my notebook about how the whole week went. I was enjoying every moment of it.
I’m not saying you don’t ever need company, because you do. You need someone to pour your heart out to, share funny stories with, to talk about the latest Hollywood gossip, to have a shoulder to cry on. What you don’t always need is other people to cling on because let’s face it, in reality, we are on our own. We’re going to need ourselves to make our life decisions, what we want to do, who we want to be, and there’s nobody that needs to appreciate and love our own being more than ourselves do. You can’t always depend on other people to shape the life of your own.
Sometimes people would ask if you were alright, but you don’t need to be not okay for wanting to have a time for yourself and that is okay. As much of an extrovert you are, it’s a normal thing to untangle the thoughts you have been carrying and sort each of them out.
Some value alone times more than the others just because they appreciate silence and quietness. The reason’s that simple, and again, that is okay. It’s okay to say no to companies, as long as you don’t have things bottled up to share. But if you do, then it becomes one of the dangerous times to leave yourself alone.
I don’t even know why I wrote this in the first place. I somehow used to really depend on other people. I would always have to ask a friend to accompany me whether to the restrooms, canteen, or any other places around school. I would not go anywhere without having a friend alongside me. I used to need my friends to make decisions for me, if they’re going to the right, then I’m going right. If they’re going left, then I’m going there too. There came a point when I was just “you know what, whatever. I’m doing this anyway”. I learned the importance of being independent, not having to cling on my friends to give me instructions. And it had felt a lot better since then.
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